I'm inappropriate.

Apparently. If I had a nickel for everyone that expressed some level of concern over my last post . . . well, I'd have quite a few nickels. In the end, even after a few edits, I decided to just take it down. Why worry the people who love me any more than necessary?

If you missed it, the post was about a "teachable moment" that led to a little speech about censoring our internet presence to my new class. (For what it's worth, I named no names, posted no pictures, and even self-censored some of the initial judgment that made its way into the post.) I like to think that the final version was something that I would've shown my kids (perhaps not on the first day). But oh well.

It is interesting to me that a post about being mindful of one's internet presence led to so many being concerned about mine. Sort of meta, really. In any event, don't assume that I've been silenced permanently. I'll get something inappropriate up soon. Maybe my subject will be restroom sex. Or I'll share the vagina dream that I tell most people the first time I meet them. Or perhaps I'll just finally write that treatise on my idea to ship old people out to a deserted island where the rich can hunt them for sport (but you make it good TV by arming the old people with rudimentary weapons). Only time will tell.

I'm back?

Your engraving goes here.

This past weekend, I was in beautiful New Jersey for Nancy's beautiful wedding. It was a truly lovely ceremony and reception and a ton of fun. I was still a bit hurting from the prior night's festivities when I boarded my 6:22pm train at 7pm. The train was packed, but I didn't care so much. My plan was to pass the hell out the second I hit the seat. I was passing between cars when my headphones were pulled off my neck, where they'd been resting. The cord had caught on one of the train attendants. He apologized. I said, "No sweat," and kept walking. And then I looked at my headphones and realized that the right ear piece had been completely ripped off. Sweet.

As I sat in my seat listening to the woman on my left talk into her cell phone about some crazy party she'd attended the previous night and the guy on my right talk into his cell phone in an attempt to make plans with someone for later that evening, I decided that maybe it was time to purchase that new iPod I'd been considering. I've been planning to purchase the new iPod nano (after I decided that the iPod Touch was a bit out of my price range) but had been putting it off due to other expenditures. Now, I figure that the $20 I would invest toward a new pair of headphones would be better spent going toward a Nano.

As you know, I'm not great with decisions, but I immediately opted for the red Nano. It's part of the (product) Red campaign and the most aesthetically pleasing. (Frankly, I sort of hate Apple's new range of pastel colors.) Who knew that I could make decisions on my own?! Then, the silly people at Apple foiled me: Free Engraving. What was I supposed to get engraved on my iPod? Clearly, this isn't the sort of decision that I can make on my own. I've gone from something as banal as my name to an only mildly less banal quote about justice to -- so far my favorite -- simply the words, "I'm the Boom King."

Help.

[Edited to add that "I'm the Boom King" was originally Cicie's idea.]

"Insight of the Moment"

I had the following posted as the "Insight of the Moment" for the last few days, but I felt that it deserved to be front and center. I think that it's important to be reminded that the root of behavior such as this is not homosexuality in and of itself but, rather, the damage caused by repressing it.

"I have nothing for this ruined ex- politico ex-senator ex-nice family man Larry Craig. Never met him. Never heard of him before. I don't care a fig about him. I don't care about Idaho either. I don't even know where that is, other than you get to Chicago and make a left. Aside from a baked potato topped with sour cream, who-the-hell ever makes mention of Idaho? So, I have no horse in this race. It's just that in my limited, not-very-smart view, his guilt is primarily hypocrisy. The rest of the crime, if in fact Craig is gay, is of our making. The tawdry solicitation leaves us partly to blame. Draping homosexuality in shame is what forces the weak to hide and lie and rail against it publicly in order to cover themselves privately. A guess would be he spoke and voted and campaigned against it in fear for himself. To draw a curtain around his own being. Those Enron guys probably didn't start out bilking billions. They started small. A little here, a bit more there. It's always the first step. Suddenly you're in it up to your eyeballs. Same with this shivering little scared mess of a man. Terrified of his own self, he early on made one statement. Then maybe had to back it up. Then he maybe enlarged it. All in mortal dread that his innermost voice might make itself heard. Possibly someday, if all of us, each with our own demons, could wash away the stain of whatever tints our sexuality, this pathetic soul would never have picked a bathroom for a bedroom." - Cindy Adams [From Towleroad]

"Queen of Green"

Anita Roddick passed away last night. She was the founder of the Body Shop and a terrific example of someone who was way ahead of her time. The world's a better place for her having been in it. On a day when we sadly remember people for how they died, it's nice to remember someone for how she lived.

Read more about this remarkable lady in the Times.

Two Months

I'm back. I'm not going to pretend to make any promises about how long I'm going to keep this up, but I felt like writing for the first time in a long while. Maybe it's because I had my first truly shitty week at work. Maybe because I felt a need to share that I got my socks knocked off by this "special comment" by Keith Olbermann:



Or maybe it's because I miss writing this blog. I used to write much, much more when I was in college, and even while I was teaching, and I definitely missed it during law school. I know this isn't much, but at least it's something. Meh.

Watch the Olbermann clip. And let's see if this is a one-off or, to invoke High School Musical 1, "the start of something new...."

Rescue Engine?

This is a Colonial Jumbo first! I am blogging from inside my Amtrak train using my brand spanking new BlackBerry. (Her name is Bebe.)

I decided to blog because I have some unexpected extra time to kill. My train pulled into Penn Station Newark right on time at 5:20pm. I thought it was a bit dark as I searched for a seat, but I didn't think anything of it when I managed to find on on double seat just for me. Then an announcement came on: "You might have noticed that all the lights are out....". Our engine wasn't working and they were attempting to fix it by rerouting power. No dice. Now we're waiting for the "rescue engine," which we we were just informed has only now -- at 6:15pm -- left NY Penn Station.

Effing super.

Oh, FYI, the air isn't working.

Quote of the...Month, I guess.

"I've been in these foxholes with these kids...let me tell you something, nobody asked anybody else whether they're gay in those holes...." - Senator Joseph Biden (D-Delaware)

Dear American Spectator Blogger:

[NOTE TO MY READERS: My blog got linked to by The American Spectator, specifically my post about the second Democratic debate.]

Dear Sir,

Although I appreciate your amusement, I must tell you that my wee site is the last place to look for hard-hitting analysis of any kind -- liberal or otherwise. I apologize for being a let-down in that respect. The site is merely a bit of a hobby that I maintain (poorly, I must admit) for the amusement of my friends. But, if my middle-of-the-night ramblings about the debate -- I actually wrote that post from bed -- made you (and your readers) smile, then I'm happy to have brought just that much more joy into the world.

All the best,
Me

PS. To anyone who wanders over here from American Spectator: Don't poke around the site if you're offended by foul language. I have a bit of a potty mouth. Instead, go to one of my favorite sites, CUTE OVERLOAD, and get totally chock full of cuteness. I promise it'll brighten up your day.

Mad Props

Although I am not supporting her husband's bid for the presidency, I find Elizabeth Edwards one heck of a lady. Not only do I give her props for telling Ann Coulter that she's a hateful hack, I am happy to oblige with what Mrs. Edwards is way too classy to say:

Hey, Ann Coulter: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Peace.

(The link is to Towleroad, one of my favorite blogs on the interwebs.)

SWEET RELIEF

The restaurant has my wallet. I was so glad that I nearly peed.

It's not in the fridge....

I'm still awake because I've been dismantling my place looking for my wallet. I've concluded that it is not in my apartment. The last time I remember seeing it was at the 4th Estate (17th and I NW) this evening when I got drinks with Charles, Jen, and Prescott. Right now, I'm hoping that I left my wallet on the table and someone turned it in at the bar. I have been known to put my wallet (and my phone for that matter) on the table after I take it out of my pocket instead of replacing it. It's not the best habit, to be sure.

I'm worried that it may have fallen out of my pocket on the walk home. This is particularly probable on the last half a block to my apartment. You see, I REALLY needed to use the bathroom so I took it at a half sprint while pulling my house keys out of my pocket. Of course, I keep my house keys in my right front pocket, same as my wallet. I tried going for a walk outside, but I didn't see it (not that I expected to). Now all I can do is sip this glass of scotch, get some sleep, and hope that fate is on my side.

Still, as I attempt to chillax, I cannot help but think how very extremely fucking crazy irritating it will be to cancel my credit cards, bank card, AAA card (I have no idea why my pedestrian ass carries that around), SmarTrip card, and, of course, my beloved NJ driver's license. Pardon me while I go stick my head in my convection microwave.

Cross your fingers for me. I will update as I know things.

Choice.

I had to choose between work and blogging over the last few weeks and, obviously, I chose work. It's been great here, but also more than a bit stressful trying to get into the groove of being a legal services attorney. That said, I feel like I'm nearly there and I refuse to abandon Colonial Jumbo. Expect more soon.

In the meantime, I just read this terribly sad article. It's long and sad, but worth a read.

Intruding on my stress....

I have my first trial on Tuesday. It's a bench trial. I'm very excited and somewhat nervous and I feel extremely cool. Needless to say, I've been a bit busy. As an attorney, I suppose I'm most sensitive to the legal dumpster the Justice Department has become so, when I noticed this article in the NY Times, it caused me to pause from my brief writing.

Uhm...ARE THEY FUCKING KIDDING ME?

All My Trials

I have learned so much over the last few days, but I feel a bit like my life's been hijacked. I'm in trial ad training all day and then I come home and work on my assignments for the next day. My faux trial is Sunday at the District Courthouse here in DC. I represent a small aluminum company that's suing its fire insurer for breach of the insurance plan after the insurer failed to pay on a claim for a burnt down warehouse. Pretty intense stuff.

I want my life back. My apartment looks like a well-dressed, chubby man exploded.

[Edited to add: I got in a little later than usual last night because I went to the Hillary Clinton "block party" with my buddy Jen from work. After I got home (around 9pm), I debated whether I should sleep or do my assignment for today. I chose sleep. I was in bed before 10pm. I slept through the night. I have to run to Georgetown now so that I can get an hour of work in before we start today but it was TOTALLY worth it. I had forgotten what 8 hours of sleep feels like.

It feels like awesome.]

Quote of the Week - 05/28/07

"Looks like after TFA we both ended up as public interest lawyers (at least for time being)...gluttons for punishment we are!" -Mrs. H-P, my former TFA partner in crime (now a Skadden Fellow)

Debating sleep.

Three new posts on this Monday morning! How nice for you! I know it's 2am and I should've gone to bed a while ago, but I just couldn't without watching the Democrat debate in New Hampshire from earlier this evening. And it's been so worth it! I love this stuff! Because I'm really quite tired, I will provide you with some stream of consciousness thoughts. I'm now forty minutes in (Obama is talking about healthcare). Enjoy:

• I'm concerned about a strange feeling deep inside me. This feeling, strange and itchy, is that maybe, just maybe, I think that Joe Biden or Chris Dodd should be President. Wow. I can't believe I just wrote that. They've both been fairly impressive in the debate so far. It's weird and it won't happen, I know, but maybe President Dodd might be great.
• Mike Gravel wants us all to speak English. Bueno!
• John Edwards is so angry! His face -- normally so lovely -- is all twisted with some serious hate. I keep thinking he's going to reach out and backhand Hillary Clinton. He also really needs to start calling her "Senator Clinton" instead of "Hillary."
  
• Chris Dodd is now talking about our shameful infant mortality. Earlier he was talking about how not enough of us speak foreign languages. I think I have a crush.
• I can't help but think how neat it would be if all these kids (except for maybe Mike Gravel) formed a Justice League-esque superhero team.
  
• Now Edwards is yelling at Barack! Simmer down John "RAGE" Edwards!
• Kucinich looks like an elf. It's so sad that no one really cares what he thinks.
• Gay question! Clinton asked about Don't Ask, Don't Tell! And she wants to change the policy! "People would not be judged on who they are. And I just want to end by saying Barry Goldwater once said, 'You don't have to be straight to shoot straight. And I think he was right and I believe we should open up our military." I (heart) you Hillary! (I'm allowed to call her that. We're people.)
  
• WOW: "I've been in these foxholes with these kids...let me tell you something, nobody asked anybody else whether they're gay in those holes-- those foxholes...." Joe Biden for President!
• Everyone wants to get rid of DADT! Bill Richardson wants hate crimes laws! And domestic partnerships! I love how it's suddenly fashionable to be pro-homo these days. I've been waiting for the Democrats to stop being so cowardly on the issue. Maybe they'll start calling for marriage soon?
  
• A gay marriage question! Finally! But it's to RAGE. And he's going to waste it. RAGE is telling us us that churches should be making decisions for themselves. Super. That's exactly what gay civil rights are all about. Good point, RAGE.
  
• And now RAGE is off-topic. From gay marriage to Iraq? Really? Shut up, RAGE.
• Mike Gravel needs a TV show. He made Hillary giggle!
• I like Chris Dodd's tie. I'm going to nickname him Hot Doddy.
• "We Americans have to grow up!" - Mike Gravel. Nicknames are fun. His is now Gravelicious.
  
• Bill Richardson has started every answer with a portion of his resume. "Well, I was Ambassador to the UN." "Well, I'm the Governor of a border state, New Mexico." "Well, I was Secretary of Energy." Honestly, he might be the most qualified person, experience-wise, to be President.
• Shit. This thing is only half over. I have to be at Georgetown Law between 8 and 8:30am tomorrow. Maybe I should go to bed? Wait...ANDERSON!? Eff it, I'll get a venti in the morning. NO! No John King. Back to Anderson! Larry King now? Really? OOH! Candy Crowley! I love you Candy! (Wow, I'm seriously tired. This is going to get loopy.)
• OOOH! Anderson is in my head! "Is it a coincidence that John Edwards continues to refer to Senator Clinton as "Hillary" and refers to everybody else as 'Senator Obama' or 'Senator Dodd?'" Can you see what I'm thinking now Anderson? That's my number. Call me.
• Ok, back to the debate. Round two. Fight!
• They're sitting down for the "average Joe" questions. How down home!
• I'm going to nap while Elfy-K is speaking. (My nicknames are getting worse as the time wears on....)

Ok. "Elfy-K" is a terrible nickname. I'll watch the rest of this tomorrow night and finish up. I need to sleep now or I'll be an incoherent mess tomorrow morning.

Lost in Trial Ad

First a disclaimer: I have an "Intensive Session in Trial Advocacy Skills" going on this week. It goes from Monday until Sunday (no, that's not a typo). Judging from the schedule of assignments, I won't have much free time this week. Please forgive me if the posts are only links and short comments.

Starting us off is this absolutely AMAZING promo for Lost that aired on Channel 4 in England. It's from season 1 (I think) and it's mad trippy. The song is "Numb" by Portishead (pronounced Porti-shed...I really need to finally buy the album Dummy) and the video's director is David LaChappelle. I'd heard the name but had to do some research to recall that he's a music video director (Moby, Britney, and Jennifer Lopez, among others). A commenter on the TV Squad post called it "very HBO-ish." I couldn't agree more. I could totally see the cast of Six Feet Under in this.

Anyway, I know I'm not the only one suffering from serious Lost withdrawal after a kick-ass season finale, so enjoy:

iMiracle

I went to court yesterday. I was a little nervous because I might have had to (a) submit a motion I didn't want to submit and (b) argue something that I was destined to lose. Neither of these things happened, so I left the courthouse happy as Lindsay Lohan in a snow storm. I practically skipped to the Judiciary Square metro and, as I neared the top of the escalator, I reached into my bag and pulled out my iPod. Before I even knew what was happenening, I was watching my iPod -- out of her protective case -- bouncing down the escalator steps. I'm talking more than one step. Like, at least 4 or 5. It was bad.

I fetched her and pressed play. Nothing. I noticed that the LOCK was on. Phew! I thought. Nope. I unlocked her and she still wouldn't play. Shit. I got back to my office and pulled her out of my bag. Still not playing. I shook her. The rattling noises coming from within convinced me that, yes, my iPod was gone.

I was sad. Cicie got me my iPod with a discount back in summer of '04 when she bought her iBook. The iPod had been my sidekick through two years of law school. She kept me company on daily commutes to SE, Alexandria, and Arlington. She was there for me while I studied for the bar exam. She even came with me to the Netherlands, India, Laos, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Japan. Every flight of the last three years. Every train ride. Every time I walked anywhere, my iPod was with me. And now she was never to be with me again.

I sighed sadly and thought of what to do. I had been planning on holding out until the next iPod model came out (the latest video iPods have been out forever) so I didn't want a new video iPod. On the other hand, the Shuffle, while cute, was not going to fulfill my needs for the next few months. I opted for the cheapest Nano, which I bought off of Amazon so I could get it delivered on Saturday. It wasn't MY iPod, but it would have to tide me over until the next iPod model gets released (I'm guessing/hoping before the end of the year).

Today, because I was spending the day in my apartment waiting for the new Nano, Genger came over to keep me company. I handed my iPod to her and had her shake it by her ear to hear the saddest sound in the whole world. She did. Then she said, "Oh I see, the apple comes up but it doesn't start. "

What?

She turned the iPod in my direction. There on the front was the apple that appears on screen when the iPod is dead and/or loading up.

"That wasn't there yesterday." Nothing had been on that screen since my iPod had clattered down those escalator steps the day before.

We plugged it in and the iPod began to charge. Genger put on some headphones and -- sweet miracle of miracles -- the iPod seemed to be working just fine. I let it fully charge and then connected it to Miss Kitty Mactastico to sync. No issues whatsoever. You can still hear the parts rattling around inside, but I'm listening to it as I type this. Genger, with her touch, fixed my iPod.

She is the iMessiah.

Live free or die, indeed!

My friend Chris just sent me a Press Release from New Hampshire's Governor. It's nice to see that the state is living up to its motto:

May 31, 2007
For Immediate Release
Contact: Communications Director
Office of the Governor
603-271-2121

Governor Signs Law Establishing Civil Unions in New Hampshire

CONCORD - Gov. Lynch today signed legislation establishing civil unions in New Hampshire, furthering New Hampshire's longstanding tradition of rejecting discrimination.

"Dating back to the Abolitionist movement, we in New Hampshire have a long, proud history of taking the lead in opposing discrimination. Today, that tradition continues. Today, we are taking an important step against discrimination. Today, we are acting to protect New Hampshire families," Gov. Lynch said.

"Over the last several months, I have spoken with hundreds of people about this issue, and most of those people support civil unions. Some support civil unions, but feel it may be happening too fast, or too soon. Others oppose civil unions altogether and see it as a threat to marriage.

"I've listened and heard all the arguments. I do not believe this bill threatens marriage. I believe this is a matter of conscience and fairness. And my view is that, it's never too soon to act to prevent discrimination.

"People in committed relationships should not have to worry about visiting a loved one in a hospital, or whether their loved ones will inherit their estate, or the many other legal protections so many of us take for granted," Gov. Lynch said. "How could any one of us look into the eyes of our neighbors, our friends, or our loved ones if we continued to deny them these basic legal protections?

"That is why I am pleased to be here today as we further the interest of fairness, dignity and the strengthening of families.

"That is truly the New Hampshire way," Gov. Lynch said.

The legislation, House Bill 437, was sponsored by Reps. Jim Splaine and Dana Hilliard.