Rescue Engine?

This is a Colonial Jumbo first! I am blogging from inside my Amtrak train using my brand spanking new BlackBerry. (Her name is Bebe.)

I decided to blog because I have some unexpected extra time to kill. My train pulled into Penn Station Newark right on time at 5:20pm. I thought it was a bit dark as I searched for a seat, but I didn't think anything of it when I managed to find on on double seat just for me. Then an announcement came on: "You might have noticed that all the lights are out....". Our engine wasn't working and they were attempting to fix it by rerouting power. No dice. Now we're waiting for the "rescue engine," which we we were just informed has only now -- at 6:15pm -- left NY Penn Station.

Effing super.

Oh, FYI, the air isn't working.

Quote of the...Month, I guess.

"I've been in these foxholes with these kids...let me tell you something, nobody asked anybody else whether they're gay in those holes...." - Senator Joseph Biden (D-Delaware)

Dear American Spectator Blogger:

[NOTE TO MY READERS: My blog got linked to by The American Spectator, specifically my post about the second Democratic debate.]

Dear Sir,

Although I appreciate your amusement, I must tell you that my wee site is the last place to look for hard-hitting analysis of any kind -- liberal or otherwise. I apologize for being a let-down in that respect. The site is merely a bit of a hobby that I maintain (poorly, I must admit) for the amusement of my friends. But, if my middle-of-the-night ramblings about the debate -- I actually wrote that post from bed -- made you (and your readers) smile, then I'm happy to have brought just that much more joy into the world.

All the best,
Me

PS. To anyone who wanders over here from American Spectator: Don't poke around the site if you're offended by foul language. I have a bit of a potty mouth. Instead, go to one of my favorite sites, CUTE OVERLOAD, and get totally chock full of cuteness. I promise it'll brighten up your day.

Mad Props

Although I am not supporting her husband's bid for the presidency, I find Elizabeth Edwards one heck of a lady. Not only do I give her props for telling Ann Coulter that she's a hateful hack, I am happy to oblige with what Mrs. Edwards is way too classy to say:

Hey, Ann Coulter: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Peace.

(The link is to Towleroad, one of my favorite blogs on the interwebs.)

SWEET RELIEF

The restaurant has my wallet. I was so glad that I nearly peed.

It's not in the fridge....

I'm still awake because I've been dismantling my place looking for my wallet. I've concluded that it is not in my apartment. The last time I remember seeing it was at the 4th Estate (17th and I NW) this evening when I got drinks with Charles, Jen, and Prescott. Right now, I'm hoping that I left my wallet on the table and someone turned it in at the bar. I have been known to put my wallet (and my phone for that matter) on the table after I take it out of my pocket instead of replacing it. It's not the best habit, to be sure.

I'm worried that it may have fallen out of my pocket on the walk home. This is particularly probable on the last half a block to my apartment. You see, I REALLY needed to use the bathroom so I took it at a half sprint while pulling my house keys out of my pocket. Of course, I keep my house keys in my right front pocket, same as my wallet. I tried going for a walk outside, but I didn't see it (not that I expected to). Now all I can do is sip this glass of scotch, get some sleep, and hope that fate is on my side.

Still, as I attempt to chillax, I cannot help but think how very extremely fucking crazy irritating it will be to cancel my credit cards, bank card, AAA card (I have no idea why my pedestrian ass carries that around), SmarTrip card, and, of course, my beloved NJ driver's license. Pardon me while I go stick my head in my convection microwave.

Cross your fingers for me. I will update as I know things.

Choice.

I had to choose between work and blogging over the last few weeks and, obviously, I chose work. It's been great here, but also more than a bit stressful trying to get into the groove of being a legal services attorney. That said, I feel like I'm nearly there and I refuse to abandon Colonial Jumbo. Expect more soon.

In the meantime, I just read this terribly sad article. It's long and sad, but worth a read.

Intruding on my stress....

I have my first trial on Tuesday. It's a bench trial. I'm very excited and somewhat nervous and I feel extremely cool. Needless to say, I've been a bit busy. As an attorney, I suppose I'm most sensitive to the legal dumpster the Justice Department has become so, when I noticed this article in the NY Times, it caused me to pause from my brief writing.

Uhm...ARE THEY FUCKING KIDDING ME?

All My Trials

I have learned so much over the last few days, but I feel a bit like my life's been hijacked. I'm in trial ad training all day and then I come home and work on my assignments for the next day. My faux trial is Sunday at the District Courthouse here in DC. I represent a small aluminum company that's suing its fire insurer for breach of the insurance plan after the insurer failed to pay on a claim for a burnt down warehouse. Pretty intense stuff.

I want my life back. My apartment looks like a well-dressed, chubby man exploded.

[Edited to add: I got in a little later than usual last night because I went to the Hillary Clinton "block party" with my buddy Jen from work. After I got home (around 9pm), I debated whether I should sleep or do my assignment for today. I chose sleep. I was in bed before 10pm. I slept through the night. I have to run to Georgetown now so that I can get an hour of work in before we start today but it was TOTALLY worth it. I had forgotten what 8 hours of sleep feels like.

It feels like awesome.]

Quote of the Week - 05/28/07

"Looks like after TFA we both ended up as public interest lawyers (at least for time being)...gluttons for punishment we are!" -Mrs. H-P, my former TFA partner in crime (now a Skadden Fellow)

Debating sleep.

Three new posts on this Monday morning! How nice for you! I know it's 2am and I should've gone to bed a while ago, but I just couldn't without watching the Democrat debate in New Hampshire from earlier this evening. And it's been so worth it! I love this stuff! Because I'm really quite tired, I will provide you with some stream of consciousness thoughts. I'm now forty minutes in (Obama is talking about healthcare). Enjoy:

• I'm concerned about a strange feeling deep inside me. This feeling, strange and itchy, is that maybe, just maybe, I think that Joe Biden or Chris Dodd should be President. Wow. I can't believe I just wrote that. They've both been fairly impressive in the debate so far. It's weird and it won't happen, I know, but maybe President Dodd might be great.
• Mike Gravel wants us all to speak English. Bueno!
• John Edwards is so angry! His face -- normally so lovely -- is all twisted with some serious hate. I keep thinking he's going to reach out and backhand Hillary Clinton. He also really needs to start calling her "Senator Clinton" instead of "Hillary."
  
• Chris Dodd is now talking about our shameful infant mortality. Earlier he was talking about how not enough of us speak foreign languages. I think I have a crush.
• I can't help but think how neat it would be if all these kids (except for maybe Mike Gravel) formed a Justice League-esque superhero team.
  
• Now Edwards is yelling at Barack! Simmer down John "RAGE" Edwards!
• Kucinich looks like an elf. It's so sad that no one really cares what he thinks.
• Gay question! Clinton asked about Don't Ask, Don't Tell! And she wants to change the policy! "People would not be judged on who they are. And I just want to end by saying Barry Goldwater once said, 'You don't have to be straight to shoot straight. And I think he was right and I believe we should open up our military." I (heart) you Hillary! (I'm allowed to call her that. We're people.)
  
• WOW: "I've been in these foxholes with these kids...let me tell you something, nobody asked anybody else whether they're gay in those holes-- those foxholes...." Joe Biden for President!
• Everyone wants to get rid of DADT! Bill Richardson wants hate crimes laws! And domestic partnerships! I love how it's suddenly fashionable to be pro-homo these days. I've been waiting for the Democrats to stop being so cowardly on the issue. Maybe they'll start calling for marriage soon?
  
• A gay marriage question! Finally! But it's to RAGE. And he's going to waste it. RAGE is telling us us that churches should be making decisions for themselves. Super. That's exactly what gay civil rights are all about. Good point, RAGE.
  
• And now RAGE is off-topic. From gay marriage to Iraq? Really? Shut up, RAGE.
• Mike Gravel needs a TV show. He made Hillary giggle!
• I like Chris Dodd's tie. I'm going to nickname him Hot Doddy.
• "We Americans have to grow up!" - Mike Gravel. Nicknames are fun. His is now Gravelicious.
  
• Bill Richardson has started every answer with a portion of his resume. "Well, I was Ambassador to the UN." "Well, I'm the Governor of a border state, New Mexico." "Well, I was Secretary of Energy." Honestly, he might be the most qualified person, experience-wise, to be President.
• Shit. This thing is only half over. I have to be at Georgetown Law between 8 and 8:30am tomorrow. Maybe I should go to bed? Wait...ANDERSON!? Eff it, I'll get a venti in the morning. NO! No John King. Back to Anderson! Larry King now? Really? OOH! Candy Crowley! I love you Candy! (Wow, I'm seriously tired. This is going to get loopy.)
• OOOH! Anderson is in my head! "Is it a coincidence that John Edwards continues to refer to Senator Clinton as "Hillary" and refers to everybody else as 'Senator Obama' or 'Senator Dodd?'" Can you see what I'm thinking now Anderson? That's my number. Call me.
• Ok, back to the debate. Round two. Fight!
• They're sitting down for the "average Joe" questions. How down home!
• I'm going to nap while Elfy-K is speaking. (My nicknames are getting worse as the time wears on....)

Ok. "Elfy-K" is a terrible nickname. I'll watch the rest of this tomorrow night and finish up. I need to sleep now or I'll be an incoherent mess tomorrow morning.

Lost in Trial Ad

First a disclaimer: I have an "Intensive Session in Trial Advocacy Skills" going on this week. It goes from Monday until Sunday (no, that's not a typo). Judging from the schedule of assignments, I won't have much free time this week. Please forgive me if the posts are only links and short comments.

Starting us off is this absolutely AMAZING promo for Lost that aired on Channel 4 in England. It's from season 1 (I think) and it's mad trippy. The song is "Numb" by Portishead (pronounced Porti-shed...I really need to finally buy the album Dummy) and the video's director is David LaChappelle. I'd heard the name but had to do some research to recall that he's a music video director (Moby, Britney, and Jennifer Lopez, among others). A commenter on the TV Squad post called it "very HBO-ish." I couldn't agree more. I could totally see the cast of Six Feet Under in this.

Anyway, I know I'm not the only one suffering from serious Lost withdrawal after a kick-ass season finale, so enjoy:

iMiracle

I went to court yesterday. I was a little nervous because I might have had to (a) submit a motion I didn't want to submit and (b) argue something that I was destined to lose. Neither of these things happened, so I left the courthouse happy as Lindsay Lohan in a snow storm. I practically skipped to the Judiciary Square metro and, as I neared the top of the escalator, I reached into my bag and pulled out my iPod. Before I even knew what was happenening, I was watching my iPod -- out of her protective case -- bouncing down the escalator steps. I'm talking more than one step. Like, at least 4 or 5. It was bad.

I fetched her and pressed play. Nothing. I noticed that the LOCK was on. Phew! I thought. Nope. I unlocked her and she still wouldn't play. Shit. I got back to my office and pulled her out of my bag. Still not playing. I shook her. The rattling noises coming from within convinced me that, yes, my iPod was gone.

I was sad. Cicie got me my iPod with a discount back in summer of '04 when she bought her iBook. The iPod had been my sidekick through two years of law school. She kept me company on daily commutes to SE, Alexandria, and Arlington. She was there for me while I studied for the bar exam. She even came with me to the Netherlands, India, Laos, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Japan. Every flight of the last three years. Every train ride. Every time I walked anywhere, my iPod was with me. And now she was never to be with me again.

I sighed sadly and thought of what to do. I had been planning on holding out until the next iPod model came out (the latest video iPods have been out forever) so I didn't want a new video iPod. On the other hand, the Shuffle, while cute, was not going to fulfill my needs for the next few months. I opted for the cheapest Nano, which I bought off of Amazon so I could get it delivered on Saturday. It wasn't MY iPod, but it would have to tide me over until the next iPod model gets released (I'm guessing/hoping before the end of the year).

Today, because I was spending the day in my apartment waiting for the new Nano, Genger came over to keep me company. I handed my iPod to her and had her shake it by her ear to hear the saddest sound in the whole world. She did. Then she said, "Oh I see, the apple comes up but it doesn't start. "

What?

She turned the iPod in my direction. There on the front was the apple that appears on screen when the iPod is dead and/or loading up.

"That wasn't there yesterday." Nothing had been on that screen since my iPod had clattered down those escalator steps the day before.

We plugged it in and the iPod began to charge. Genger put on some headphones and -- sweet miracle of miracles -- the iPod seemed to be working just fine. I let it fully charge and then connected it to Miss Kitty Mactastico to sync. No issues whatsoever. You can still hear the parts rattling around inside, but I'm listening to it as I type this. Genger, with her touch, fixed my iPod.

She is the iMessiah.

Live free or die, indeed!

My friend Chris just sent me a Press Release from New Hampshire's Governor. It's nice to see that the state is living up to its motto:

May 31, 2007
For Immediate Release
Contact: Communications Director
Office of the Governor
603-271-2121

Governor Signs Law Establishing Civil Unions in New Hampshire

CONCORD - Gov. Lynch today signed legislation establishing civil unions in New Hampshire, furthering New Hampshire's longstanding tradition of rejecting discrimination.

"Dating back to the Abolitionist movement, we in New Hampshire have a long, proud history of taking the lead in opposing discrimination. Today, that tradition continues. Today, we are taking an important step against discrimination. Today, we are acting to protect New Hampshire families," Gov. Lynch said.

"Over the last several months, I have spoken with hundreds of people about this issue, and most of those people support civil unions. Some support civil unions, but feel it may be happening too fast, or too soon. Others oppose civil unions altogether and see it as a threat to marriage.

"I've listened and heard all the arguments. I do not believe this bill threatens marriage. I believe this is a matter of conscience and fairness. And my view is that, it's never too soon to act to prevent discrimination.

"People in committed relationships should not have to worry about visiting a loved one in a hospital, or whether their loved ones will inherit their estate, or the many other legal protections so many of us take for granted," Gov. Lynch said. "How could any one of us look into the eyes of our neighbors, our friends, or our loved ones if we continued to deny them these basic legal protections?

"That is why I am pleased to be here today as we further the interest of fairness, dignity and the strengthening of families.

"That is truly the New Hampshire way," Gov. Lynch said.

The legislation, House Bill 437, was sponsored by Reps. Jim Splaine and Dana Hilliard.

Quote of the Week - 05/21/07

"Listening to [Alberto Gonzalez's, Kyle Sampson's, and Monica Goodling's] testimony, it's like the entire Department of Justice is taking a shit inside my head." Jon Stewart

Auspicious Beginnings

I started my new job yesterday. So far, so good:

1) "Hit the ground running" is not just lip service at Legal Aid. I had three intakes on my desk when I walked into my office. By the end of the day, I was given my first two cases. One has a further initial return on Friday. My birthday is going to be my first day in court.

2) After asking one of the other attorneys where I should get coffee, I was directed to a small, independent coffee spot right around the corner. I can't really remember what it's called, but the word "sip" is somehow involved. Anyway, not only was the coffee quite good, my friend Anne was there. And she goes nearly every day because her office is right nearby. Fun!

3) At my welcome breakfast, my boss decided that I should go see our appellate attorney argue in front of the DC Court of Appeals. So I went. She was good. Even better was seeing the attorneys arguing the case before her. If they all had successful careers, I should have no problem. One guy actually interrupted the judge so many times that she actually had to say, "Can you let me finish a statement?" Yeah. You shouldn't do that to the judge. Ass.

4) Sarada's in town for a few days to present her thesis so, after work, we had a few drinks and then met Cicie for dinner. (Note to DC readers: Dakota Cowgirl has changed its menu.)

5) This morning I woke up really early (it probably helped that I went to bed before 11pm last night). I decided to walk over to CVS to get allergy medicine and pick up a Gatorade. (I really like lemon-lime Gatorade. I drink it constantly. I'm not sporty, so I find it a little weird.) Guess what I saw when I walked into CVS. Yup. Gatorade was ON SALE. I now have 160 fluid ounces of Gatorade in my apartment. BAM.

I feel good. So good, in fact, that my next post won't be a silly list and will, instead, have a coherent narrative.

Quote of the Week - 05/14/07

In "honor" of the late Jerry Falwell, his thoughts on 9/11: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

Irked Around

I'm in Jersey at the moment, which is nice, but a few things over the last 24 hours have me steamed. In chronological order:

1) Metro. Fucking Metro. Every time. Of course I was running late for my train yesterday. And, of course, I get to Dupont and find that the next train (in 7 minutes) was a ghost train and that the next train serving passengers was in 16 minutes. Due to the fact that my Amtrak train was leaving in 35 minutes, I had to high-tail it out of the station and hop a cab. Bah.

2) Really? You're on a train -- admittedly not the quiet car -- and you're watching a DVD on your computer without headphones? Seriously?! Have we all gone insane? Would you listen to a stereo on the train? No, you wouldn't. Then again, you're clearly an asshole, so who knows?

3) As if I didn't have enough evidence that America is a lost cause: Melinda Doolittle was voted off of American Idol last night. She was inarguably the best singer in the competition and, again without question, one of the best singers in the show's history. Melinda is off of Idol. What's the point anymore? You know what? Let's just bomb Iran. Let's just end times. (Ok, fine, maybe I'm overreacting just a tad.)

4) I went to my dentist this morning. My checkups for the last, oh, ten years or so have been just peachy. Today, I got yelled at for not flossing. Luckily, I'm still cavity-free, but I apparently had plaque build-up that worried him. Then he told me that my Sonicare toothbrush is a piece of shit that I should throw out. I mean, he was nice about it, but I felt a bit berated.

5) I'm in Panera right now and it's packed. I hate people.

A Typical Morning

I woke up without my alarm for the second time this week. I figured that I'd sleep in a bit this week because I don't really have any reason to get up. I'm on vacay before my new jobs starts (a week from yesterday!) and, other than finally submitting my DC Bar application, I had little in the way of responsibilities. Still, I was out of bed before 8:30am. Not sure why. I was just very awake. I know that I had been dreaming, but I can't for the life of me remember what.

I made myself a bowl of cereal then hopped on the interwebs for my morning dose of news and snark. The Republicans debated last night. Apparently the audience applauded waterboarding. Super. I should probably be shocked, but I'm mostly not. Jerry Falwell is still dead. I'm still feeling guilty about being happy about it. Like a good Catholic, I was taught to not speak ill of the dead and I certainly found some of the stuff I found in message boards yesterday a little extreme, even if he was a hateful bigot. But someone (and I'd credit him/her if I remembered where I read it) paraphrased what Bette Davis said upon hearing of nemesis Joan Crawford's death: “You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good." In the case of a person as unambiguously vile as Falwell, I'm loath to disagree. But I digress.

After realizing that America is still fucked and neither Wolfie nor Gonzo resigned, I went about folding some laundry. I did a ton of laundry yesterday in preparation for my trip to NJ (oh yeah, I'm going to be in NJ for the next few days). My plan is to have my apartment in as pristine a state as possible so that it'll be ready for me when I return from the Jerz and start work. I had just swiffed my floor when I decided that I'd love a coffee. Like most Washingtonians, I have a Starbucks exactly a block away. I threw on a pair of jeans and grabbed those things that are always with me when I leave my apartment: Wallet. Cell. iPod. Keys. Keys? Shit. Where were my keys?

I scoured my table but, because I actually cleaned it significantly yesterday, it didn't take long to figure out that they weren't there. Well, if not there, then where? Checked my desk. Dresser. My bookcase. Nothing. That's when I stopped, smiled to myself because I do this all the time, and checked my pockets.

Nope. No keys.

Had they fallen to the floor? Were they on my five inches of kitchen counter space? No. Did I toss them on the bed? Maybe set them down in the bathroom? No dice. I was getting a bit crazy at this point. What if I had dropped them outside? I can use the call box to get into my front door so, when stepping outside for a sec, I'll leave my door unlocked. No keys necessary. Then again, I don't like doing that late at night, so I always bring my keys. But what if I had dropped them somehow? I couldn't be 100% certain that my keys were in my apartment, so I didn't feel 100% great about leaving for an extended weekend knowing that my keys might be in the hands of nefarious peoples. (In case you're just tuning in, I'm a bit of a paranoid person.) I started panicking. I went outside and scanned my front porch. I checked to see if a neighbor had found them and put them on top of our mailboxes (our de facto lost and found). I returned to my aparment and started tearing it apart. I was moving stuff. Looked under the bed. Shook my garbage can to see if maybe I'd thrown them out. Nada. Looked behind the bed. Behind the dresser. Under the desk. Cleared off the table. Cleared off the desk. Went through my medicine cabinet. Under chair cushions. I looked in a pair of shoes that were under the table. Sweatshirt pockets. I started opening drawers. Drawers that I haven't opened in weeks.

No keys.

I was losing it. Where were my keys? I couldn't go to Jersey without knowing where my keys were! Where could they be?! Rechecked every place I'd already checked. Lifted up my bath mats. Looked on top of the fridge.

Pause. No. That's silly. They weren't IN the refrigerator.

I opened the refrigerator door. No keys. I looked in the butter tray. Nothing. Up. Down. Nothing. Then I pulled out the pizza box sitting on my top rack. There, in the back of my refrigerator, behind the pizza box from last night, were my keys.

Yeah.

Quote of the Week - 05/07/07

"By coating her hands in the genital secretions of female tortoises and gently stroking him, she managed to demonstrate a couple of times (in the course of several months’ work) that George was capable of an erection. But whereas her touch could induce other male tortoises to reach orgasm within a few minutes, with George she never managed to collect any sperm." - John Tierny, "A Lonesome Tortoise, and a Search for a Mate," The NY Times, May 8, 2007.