Six Flags: Hill Tribe

As part of the Chiang Mai visit, we decided it would be fun to take a trek out to visit one of the many hill tribes that live in the surrounding mountains. Since the hotel at which we were staying organized such a trek -- and was willing to hold our bags overnight and guarantee us our rooms on our return -- we thought it best to book through them. In my typical annoying fashion, I quizzed the lady at reception about everything from what specific tribe we'd be visiting to whether the hill tribe was receiving a cut of our fee. Especially when the answer to that last question was yes (and the lady knocked 200 baht off the cost) we signed up.

The tour was supposed to include no more than 12 people and visit two tribes (one for the night, the other the next day). We would drive up to the mountain, trek up to where the tribes were, spend the night in their village, then trek our way back down the next day. In my head, and against my better judgment, I pictured wandering through a small mountain village, stopping occassionally to chat with locals through my translator/guide. Then, our group would sit and eat a hill tribe meal, separate to sleep in hill tribe dwellings, and then meet up the next day for a hike through the jungle.

I got the hike part right.

Now, I know you're expecting a smarm-o-rama from me. I guess I did set the post up that way. But I really can't smarm all that much. Truth is, I had a great time and consider it a really neat experience. I mean, I certainly never hiked for 7 hours in the jungles of Thailand. Neither had I hung out under a waterfall, slept under a mosquito net in a hill tribe "village" (I will explain my quotation marks later), or ridden an elephant. [SIDEBAR: I know, I know, it's exploitation...but it's also a friggin' elephant! I'm presented with an elephant -- that, for what it's worth, was not beaten with "lead pipes with hooks" as friends have said they've seen in the past -- and I'm not supposed to ride him? I'm socially conscious, but I'm not a saint.]

And each of these experiences WERE incredible. In my opinion, the jungle alone was worth the price of admission. Here I was, jumping from rock to rock across creeks or sweating my ass off hustling up a mountainside. We'd break through the canopy to stupendous views and then keep on hiking. It was terrific. But, in addition to our group of 12 (actually 13), there were at least FOUR (probably more) other groups (same size) doing the same thing. Two of the groups we ran into again and again (and some included some actually rather nice Italian guys). I wondered where a hill tribe was going to stow all these wacky farang.

That was answered when we reached the "village." Now, I don't doubt that this wasn't an average village at one time and neither do I doubt that real hill tribe people lived there. But now, it seemed to be more of a resort than a village. Giant dorms had been set up for visitors and I really can't say that I saw very many structures beyond them. Due to my wonderful back, I was up and at 'em at 6:30 this morning and strolled for a bit. Saw 4 other dorms. Not much else. These dorms consisted of a deck and three main areas: a common area, one for the villagers, and one for the farangs' sleeping area. The Luha tribe's main industries are corn and rice? Eff that. Their main industry is tourism.

When 11 sweaty and tired Americans (+ 1 Kiwi and 1 Australian), rolled up, they brought out a cooler and offered us water...or a beer or a soda. Was I psyched to throw back a beer? Sure! And I threw back quite a few (not so much to be sloppy, don't worry), but was it what I expected? Heck no. At dinner we ate food that I'm quite sure our guide prepared: a pretty standard yellow curry (I'd had a better, spicier one the night before), rice, and chicken fingers. I mean, really? Chicken fingers? This was after a hill tribesman pulled out a standard Western-style guitar and a few songbooks, one even including hits by Britney Spears and Westlife. Graham, Vic, and I do a mean "Wonderwall," by the way.

Where was the hill tribe music (if they had any)? Where was some spicy, random hill tribe dish? Where were the hill tribers? Except for a handful of others, we only saw the family that seemingly "ran" this particular dorm. They were extremely nice and accommodating, but it felt particularly hollow when they suddenly rolled out some bracelets and such for us to buy. The same type of stuff we saw in the night market in the city the night before. And in Bangkok earlier this week. And, I hate to say it, even in Lao last weekend. I bought a bracelet because I felt bad (I know, that's a terrible reason) but I can't help but wonder who mass-produces this touristy shit? Does it all get shipped in from China?

Still, the ambience was nice and I was so exhausted from the trek that I didn't mind so much that everything seemed a bit prefab. Rising the next morning, I was a bit awed by the misty mountains that surrounded me. After breakfast, we hiked some more. Our visit to the other tribe wasn't so well delineated. It could've have been the couple of houses stuck together where women attempted to peddle...you guess it, the same shit we'd seen on chintzy Khao San Road in Bangkok. Or it could have been the people who ran our elephant ride. The ride itself was humane and strangely Epcot-like. We boarded tw0-by-two, went around a specified path for 30 mins, then returned to base. Neat, but a bit artificial.

Next up, white-water rafting (finally something not even trying to be authentic!) and a ride on a bamboo raft. The latter gave us what was probably the funniest moment of the whole experience because they loaded 6 of us (+ 1 guide who spoke ZERO English) onto a raft for 4. The raft was barely afloat (and about half a meter under water for most of the trip). Among the highlights were Josh attempting to steer and ending up dunked and a sudden collision with a rock that sent our guide hurtling into the air and me and Graham flying off the end of the raft.

Anyway, I guess my point is that it felt less like a visit to a hill tribe and more of a trip to Six Flags, or Disney World, or Epcot. We rolled up, hung out, drank beer, rode the rides, then came home dirtier and damper than when we'd left. Was it really neat in its own right? Absolutely. Did it feel all that different from the sometimes silly touristiness of Bangkok? To me, not so much.