Oh crap.

As I was walking home from the metro tonight, I got stood up on dinner plans. (Dinner plans, I might add, on account of which I turned down other dinner plans. But I'm not bitter.) So I got home, thought about how unseasonably cold it was outside, and called Pizza Movers. I could have had a wonderful pepperoni-filled evening, perhaps watched a movie or something, but then I made one terrible miscalculation: I turned on my television. I never really watch TV on Tuesdays. None of my mainstays (which, as you probably know by now, are Heroes, Lost, Ugly Betty, Grey's, The Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock, Sopranos, and Amazing Race...damn, I watch a lot of TV) air on Tuesdays, so I figured I'd probably watch something on Comedy Central or HBO. Then I saw it. I, of course, knew what it was. I'd actually watched, way back in the second season, but never again. I had avoided it on purpose, really. I knew what terrible effect it could have on me. But, for some reason, I highlighted it on my program guide and pressed ENTER. Then it was there. On my TV. And I couldn't look away.

Tonight, I watched my first episode of this season's American Idol.

It was already in progress, so I missed the first guy. Instead, I saw a woman named Jordin Sparks perform. I have to admit, she was pretty great. Really nice voice. And I like her look, too. She reminds me of Callie from Grey's. The judges dug her, too, which was nice. While I was pleased, I wasn't quite snared yet so I grabbed my remote and was about to turn it off when Ryan Seacrest announced that Sanjaya would be on next. Now, I think that almost everyone, even people who don't watch this show, have heard of Sanjaya. I was intrigued. Ok, I thought to myself. I'll see just how terrible this kid really is, and then I'll change the channel.

Well, I saw just how terrible he really was. Emphasis on the words "really" and "terrible." I can't claim to be a pop star or even to have perfect pitch, but I did enough singing in my day to know when someone is really off key. Wow. Sanjaya seems like a totally nice kid, but the sweet child is tone deaf. Randy said it sounded like karaoke, but he was only partly correct. That sounded like bad karaoke. The type of bad karaoke that happens after a few too many shots. A few too many shots and a bad childhood accident.

Next up were Lakisha and one of the white guys. Crap. What is his name? Chris! Right. Ok, so those two went. She was fine (but nowhere as good as Jordin) and he was pretty bad (but not as bad as Sanjaya). Then Ryan announced Melinda Doolittle. Even though I don't watch the show, I read enough entertainment blogs and EW to know that this little woman was supposed to be the one to beat (sad for her, really, because the one to beat rarely actually wins). By this point, I was pretty much committed to the broadcast so I was excited that I might get to hear someone really good.

And I was very pleased. This Melinda Doolittle is the real deal. I mean, she really should do something with the hair -- either longer extensions or a really short cut...the current style makes her seem a bit neckless -- but her voice is ridiculous. When it ended, I was confused why she was even palling around with these other jokers (with the exception, perhaps, of Jordin). I grabbed a post-it off my desk and jotted down her number (1-866-436-5706) and then counted back to figure out Jordin's number (-5702...for the uninitiated, the final digit is the order in which they sing). Ok. Idol had me. I wasn't going to fight it, so I eagerly fast-forwarded my DVR (I had paused the show to get my pizza) through the commercial. And then, HE came on. The other white guy. And he was blond and wore an argyle sweater and sang much better than the other two guys. And anyone who knows me knows what happened next.

I've been dialing 1-866-436-5707 on redial for the last 40 minutes. I also have new wallpaper on my computer. And I am only a little ashamed.